


Made No Apologies

by All_the_write_reasons



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alive Hannah Baker, Angst, Bisexual Alex Standall, Break Up, Developing Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_the_write_reasons/pseuds/All_the_write_reasons
Summary: Alex can't get Justin out of his mind, nor the taste of his lips out of his mouth. When Justin shows that he clearly hasn't been having that same thoughts, Alex's world starts to fall apart.Prompts:"Why do you hate me?""You need to leave.""I don't need you anymore"





	Made No Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> So, recently someone went through my AO3 account and reported all of my fanfictions because of a link i put at the bottom of them. All of my fics were deleted with no warning, so i was unable to see how many views or Kudos or comments i had, and i can no longer go and see that, so i'm very sorry about that happening, it shouldn't have.
> 
> I just wanted to say that clicking on that link was completely optional and i would never beg my readers to follow or support me on any platform, it was just like attaching my tumblr link (which many authors do). It was wrong on my part and could have very easily been avoided.

  


Alex bit his lip, unconsciously pulling on the already raw skin there. His heart was basically beating out of his chest. His fingers were dancing across the strings of his base, but he wasn't really paying attention. He was thankful he had practiced this song enough times to have it committed to muscle memory. His head was really in a completely different place, focused on the cellphone that was burning a hole in his pocket. He had gotten the text he as dreading so badly. All it took was one glance at the screen to send waves of anxiety rolling over him, it felt a little bit like drowning in all honesty. The text had been simple, only three words ‘Can we talk?’. Upon first glance, it might not seem as bad as Alex was making it out to be, but considering who it was from and what exactly he had done with this person only earlier that week, any text from Justin Foley was enough to send him into a whirlwind of a million different emotions.

Jazz band practice was over before Alex knew it, so after a flurry of students and chaos of putting instruments away, he was forced to face the fact that if he didn't reply soon, Justin would know he was being ignored, and Justin would seek the blond boy out. Alex couldn't have that, it made him anxious.

[I just got out of band practice. I’m free whenever you are.] The words seemed weirdly formal, but he sent them anyways. What did he care what Justin Foley cared about the way he texted. He tutted softly under his breath and slipped his phone into his pocket. His break up with Jessica was still new, and his friendship with the popular jocks felt even newer. It made him wonder how much he really needed them. He could always go back to Hannah, right? She probably didn't hate him yet.

[Come with us to Bryce’s after school.] Alex didn’t bother responding to the message, he probably would’ve gone anyway, regardless of the extra incentive.

The rest of the school day flew by in a blur of dumb jokes, classwork and ‘friendly’ pushes and nudges from Bryce’s group of friends. They were assholes. When the bell rang, Alex shouldered his backpack and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He was in no rush to go to Bryce’s house, he was never really friends with the football player anyways.

“Standall, if you don't hurry your ass up you're going to be walking the whole way.” Alex shot a sharp glare at Montgomery, who was behind the steering wheel, before rolling his eyes and climbing into the back seat.

“I don’t have to come over. I have my own house i could go to, asshole.” He was stuck between the door and Zach Dempsey.

“Yeah right,” Justin scoffed from the passenger seat, a smirk on his face.

Alex bit his lip and scoffed with a small smile, acknowledging the teasing without actually saying anything back to him.He looked out the window as the car left the parking lot, mistakenly locking his eyes with Jessica’s for just a moment before she looked away and tapped on Hannah’s shoulder. They didn’t look happy, and it was likely because of Bryce’s list. He didn't quite regret adding their names, but he wasn’t proud of it either. It wasn’t fair for him to use publicity to piss Jessica off. Now all of his friends thought Hannah had had sex with him. That was so far from true. He realized he was no longer looking through the window, but rather at the faint reflection of justin on the glass. The car parked and Alex opened the door, climbing out. He lurched forwards slightly when Zach nudged him. Alex groaned to himself, grabbing his bag. Why did he even hang out with these people? He was so busy trying to fit in being popular he didn’t even have time to enjoy having friends and doing things that high schoolers usually do.

The group migrated to the pool house in the back. It was overwhelmingly Justin back where he slept. Video games, empty alcohol bottles and signs of weed littered the floor and counters. Apparently Bryce didn’t care too much about it.

“Yo, could you stop being weird and moody and pick what character you want?” A PlayStation controller hit him in the side as he rolled his eyes.

“Shut up Justin.” He laughed quietly and chose a character for whatever dumb game the boys had picked out this time. He sat on the edge of the couch, trying to distract himself with the game so he wouldn’t think too much about Justin. His texts or his lips. They were both bad. 

Zach was the first one to leave, as usual. Alex had managed to pick up that his parents were somewhat strict, and they clearly weren't aware of what their son was really doing after school most days. Monty followed not long after, at almost 9 pm, taking his car with him. It was down to just Justin, Alex and Bryce. The youngest of who was sure his heart was going to beat ts way right up his throat. The closer and closer they got to it just being him and Justin the more nervous he got. He had to stop himself from giving dumb excuses to leave more than once. At 10:30, Bryce finally seemed to get tired of the repetitive video game and with a stretch and yawn, headed into his actual house.

There was a minute of silence before Alex cleared his throat. He was gonna have to walk home, which totally sucked, unless Justin was willing to give him a ride. 

“Um, you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah. About what happened the other night.” Images flashed through Alex’s head unintentionally. Justin's soft lips connecting with his own, the hot and static air between them, the feeling of Justin's bare skin. He shook his head and glanced up through his lashes.

“What about it?”

“It was a mistake.” Now, that wasn't exactly what Alex was expecting. Sure, it was the most likely option, considering how much Justin cared about his image, but he had been hopeful.\

“What?”

“It was a mistake. I want you to pretend it never happened.”

“But, Justin-”

“Don't be dumb Standall, it happened, but i dont need you anymore.” The words hurt a little more than he was expecting. How did he not notice how hard he had fallen for the brunette. He was so dumb. Alex had no idea what to say, and honestly he wasn’t sure he'd be able to get the words out if he wanted to. There was a solid minute of heavy silence, tension thick between the duo.

“Do you hate me?” Alex didn't sit for an answer before restating the question, “Why do you hate me?”

“I think you need to leave.”

“Answer me, Foley, or i swear to god.”

“I don’t hate you, I’m just not a fag.” Justin spit.

“That's not what it seemed like on saturday. You seemed like a fucking faggot then? Huh? When you were kissing me like your motherfucking life depen-”

“Shut the hell up, Alex.” He hissed. “I can make your life hell.”

“Aren't you already? You're playing with my feelings like an asshole.” Alex clenched his jaw. He hadn’t intended to make it so painfully obvious how deep Justin's harsh words were cutting. He stood still, glaring daggers at Justin, his mind screaming at him to run. It would be easier than trying to fight.

“Oh boo hoo, I’d never wanna hurt your feelings.” Justin crossed his arms, the sarcasm evident in his voice. Alex’s internal dialect was getting less pancky and angry, more sad and afraid. ‘Please don't hurt me like this’ it seemed to be screaming the words over and over, echoing them off the walls of his head. Alex didn’t even bother vocalizing any more of his thoughts. He just grabbed his bag and opened the door.

“Fuck you Foley.” He slammed the door shut behind him, shaking the walls of the structure.He had a long walk ahead of him, all in the dark. Alex seethed, shoving his hands into his pockets roughly as he began the trek. Now he was alone, in the quiet, in the dark, left with nothing but his own thoughts to fill his mind. A wet tear dripped down Alex’s face, unexpected by the skinny boy. He sniffled quietly, hunching to make himself smaller. He only made it a few more steps before his vision was blurry enough for him to have an excuse to sit down. He rubbed his eyes hard, trying to force himself to stop the pathetic cation. It was just a dumb boy after all. A dumb, homophobic, sporty, funny, handsome boy. Justin Foley didn't deserve his tears. He didn’t deserve anything from Alex, yet here he was, handing over his heart and all the heavy luggage that came with it.

After a while Alex managed to calm himself down enough to have rational thought. He didn’t know what to do. The walk to his house was likely longer than an hour, and it was already nearing midnight. He pulled out his phone and looked at his contacts. None of the names jumped out at him. They weren't his friends, they were his way to fight his way out of the ‘loser’ category at school. He scrolled for a few moments before hovering his thumb over a single name. After a moment of hesitation, he clicked the name and held the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” Mumbled a groggy voice, clearly woken from sleep.

Alex’s voice cracked when he spoke “Can you come get me, please Hannah.”

  



End file.
